This love
by SpyMaster
Summary: This is a short mini series with five chapters. Which covers the affair from beginning to end. Total Jack and Sam. Completed!
1. This Temptation

**This Temptation**

"Going to the party tonight?" Jack Malone asked, leaning casually on Sam's desk. Sam knew what party he was referring to, it was the retirement party for Dominic Cage, the head of the New York office.

"I might look in." Sam answered, not looking up from the report she was typing. Jack nodded and then went back to his office, silently kicking himself for asking her that. He didn't even know why he'd asked her that, not really. He hadn't asked Danny or Martin or Vivian that. He liked Sam a lot, she was a brilliant agent, a good friend and colleague, nothing more. Deep down Jack knew he was kidding himself, he liked her a whole lot more than a friend and colleague. Shaking his head he ignored the growing feelings he was having towards Samantha Spade and settled down to write his report.

Outside Sam wondered why he'd asked her that. She knew he probably thought she was a workaholic because he was too, they both burned long hours after everybody had gone home. Perhaps he just wanted her to relax and enjoy herself as a concerned colleague. She wished he wasn't just a concerned colleague, shaking her head Sam tried to forget that thought. _He's your boss and a good friend, nothing more, besides he's married._ the voice in her head berated her. Silently Sam turned her attention back the report she was writing, trying to push all thoughts of Jack Malone out of her head.

That evening when Sam arrived back at the FBI offices she couldn't help but ask herself what she thought she was doing. At the very last minute she'd decided to go to the party, getting ready in what could only be described as a mad state of panic. She told herself it was because she was late and that she'd given herself very little time to get ready. Deep down inside she knew that wasn't the reason, she knew it was because of Jack Malone. As soon as she walked into the room her eyes met Jack's, he walked across to her.

"Would you like to dance?" Jack asked, trying to keep his eyes inside his head. She looked stunning in that black dress, even more beautiful than normal. Smiling Sam took his offered hand, they both felt what was like an electric charge run through them as soon as their hands met. As soon as they walked on to the dance floor the song changed, to a slow dance number. Wordlessly Jack pulled Sam close and they begun dancing. They were so close that Jack could smell Sam's shampoo and Sam could smell Jack's aftershave. The dance seemed to last forever as they molded together in the embrace. Once the song ended they found themselves back at the entrance, unwillingly they pulled apart.

"Can I get you a drink, some punch or something?" Jack offered, Sam shook her head.

"No thanks. I'd like some air though, it's stuffy in here." Sam replied. Silently they walked out of the party and through the deserted corridors, neither of them knew what to say, afraid of the feelings coursing through them. Jack stopped outside his office.

"I'll just get my coat." he explained, walking in and over to his desk. Sam followed him so when Jack turned round he was looking directly into her eyes. Of it's own accord his hand moved up to Sam's face and gently stroked the side of her face. Then he leaned in and they started kissing passionately. When they finally broke apart after what seemed like an eternity it was to breathe.

"My place." Sam offered knowing full well it couldn't be his place. Wordlessly Jack nodded he couldn't resist the temptation any longer.

They exchanged no words on the short journey to Sam's apartment, desire and lust filling the air between them and make it crackle with electricity. Sam tried to think about what they were about to do, but all rational thought seemed to have gone, replaced by the feelings she felt for the man next to her. Jack tried to think, he knew that this had been months in the making, that they had resisted for a long time, tried to do what was right. How though could something wrong feel right? He tried to think of his wife but he couldn't picture her, Samantha dominated his every thought. He knew right then and there that this wasn't just a one night stand, he wasn't that kind of guy, even knowing what he was starting couldn't stop him. He'd always thought of the consequences, but now all he cared about was the here and now, and right now all he cared about was Samantha. Wordlessly Jack followed Sam to her apartment, as soon as they were in the door they started kissing passionately again, if felt like forever had passed since they'd last kissed and that no time at all had passed at the same time. Still they didn't speak, they didn't need too, it was like they were on a secret wavelength that meant they could communicate without words. For the last time Jack tried to think rationally about what he was doing before rational thought went out of the window and they gave themselves up to the love that they shared.


	2. My One Thing That's Real

**My One Thing That's Real**

"I should go." Jack said reluctantly, turning his head so he could look at Sam. Sam didn't say anything, she just stayed snuggled up in his arms. Jack made no move to go, intellectually he knew he should, his heart ruled otherwise. "I don't want to go you know. I would much rather stay here with you." Sam closed her eyes hearing his words, she knew he meant them, and that they came from the very bottom of his heart, but it still didn't make it any easier.

"I know." Sam turned and gently kissed him. "Go. We don't want Marie to suspect anything." Jack nodded and kissed her back gently on the forehead. he then climbed out of bed and got ready to leave.

Even as he was driving home Jack was thinking about the next time he'd see Sam, it would just be a few hours, but already he was missing her. It had only been a couple of months that they'd been seeing each other not as colleagues, but it felt to him like a lifetime. So much had changed in that short amount of time. His life before had been bleak, miserable, dark and dreary. Now all he had to do was to think of, or be with Sam, she made his life seem so happy and perfect. She truly was his soulmate.

Pretty much as soon as Jack was gone Sam started to miss him, unconsciously already starting a count down to when she'd next see him. She didn't know what it was about him that made him so . . . she couldn't even say what it was, it was just Jack Malone. What she did know was that he affected her like no other man in her life had ever done. She was completely and unequivocally in love with him. It didn't matter that he was married, well maybe a little, but not enough at the moment to bother her. He truly was her soulmate.

Once at work though it was a different story, nobody could know about their relationship. Not only would it wreck Jack's marriage it could also get them suspended, it was professional misconduct at it's worst and in the FBI that only meant one thing. So they had to treat each other like the colleagues they used to be and not the lovers they were now. Neither of them found it particularly hard, it was all down really to compartmentalization, secret keeping, both of them though they'd never admit it were good at keeping secrets and it wasn't just because their job demanded it of them. That day a case came in of a missing eight year old boy, it hadn't looked promising to begin with, he'd been missing for over a week. His mother had dropped him off at scout camp and on his way to register he'd disappeared, the scout leader had assumed he'd decided not to come so thought nothing of it, it was only when his mother came to pick him up that alarm bells started to sound. Despite that Sam as always held out a degree of hope. At first it seemed promising which only fuelled the hope that Sam held out, so when the boy was found dead in a shallow grave, it hit her harder than usual. Jack and only Jack noticed this because Sam was very skilled at hiding her feelings.

"Are you ok?" Jack asked, shutting the door to his office.

"Yeah." Sam replied, not meeting Jack's gaze.

"Oh yeah, you don't look ok." Jack pointed out, moving round to behind his desk to sort out the paperwork into piles, critical, when you've got the time and wouldn't bother.

"I thought . . I guess . . I don't know." Jack met her eyes, looking beyond them and seeing the pain she'd given herself, by caring too much and too deeply. He wished right then that he could stay with her tonight, he knew she needed the company. He also knew he couldn't do that, Marie knew he'd finished the case and would want to know why he hadn't come home, they couldn't have that, it was too dangerous.

"Do you know what I love about you?" Jack suddenly asked, Sam looked up at him startled and then instinctively round to see who else could hear. "I love the fact that you do care, what some people would call too much. I care what some people call too much, everytime we lose one it . . it takes that little bit away, until you can't care anymore. When I met you I couldn't care for anybody anymore. You changed that by showing me that all was not lost, you became my anchor to reality. My one thing that's real. So to sum up that long winded explanation, I know it hurts to care, but don't ever stop caring. I love you." Sam blinked realising that there were tears in her eyes, silently Jack moved across to her and put his arms around her, letting her cry on his shoulder. Sam being who she was soon regained control of herself, reluctantly Jack released her from his embrace.

"See you tomorrow yeah." Sam sniffed when she half out of the door. Jack nodded.

"Tomorrow."

Authors Note: I hope this lives up to expectations.


	3. You Needed Me

**You Needed Me**

It was autumn in New York, that season that changed from feeling like late summer to winter in the blink of an eye and back again, as if it couldn't make up it's mind what it wanted to be. Brown leaves were on the ground symbolising the plants that were dying. Samantha Spade walked along slowly, kicking the leaves in the path ahead of her, so they sprayed up and all around. The park was the only place where she could think. It was a place that had not ties to anybody or anything. A place that was as personal or as impersonal as you wished it to be, a place of solitude or company, where you could think in peace. Sam had first discovered it years ago when she'd just moved to New York, it had become her secret haven, that got her up when she was down and rang with joy when she was happy. Right now in the evening light she wasn't thinking anything very much, trying to forget about the case they had just completed. Sam glanced across the park and saw an impromptu football game, in which there were far too many players and consequently nobody knew whose team they were on. Smiling Sam leaned against the nearest tree and stopped to watch them. They looked so happy and innocent, despite the dangers that went hand in hand with living in a big city. It reminded Sam of her childhood, back when she'd been happy living in a small town nobody had ever heard of. Sam's trip down memory lane was cut short by the shrill ringing of her cell phone.

"Spade." Sam answered, checking the caller ID, it was the bureau. Sam frowned more than slightly annoyed. She hadn't got more than five hours sleep in the past forty-eight hours, she'd been given the rest of today and tomorrow off, she'd come to the park to unwind because she couldn't sleep. What did they want?

"Hey Sam." Jack greeted her.

"Jack, what are you doing calling me from the bureau?" Sam asked, "You know they monitor the calls."

"Just the numbers Sam. Besides what's wrong with me calling an agent on my team, after a hard case?" Jack pointed out, in his office propping his head up on his hands.

"Nothing, I guess I'm just paranoid. What are you still doing at the office anyway? Van Doren gave us the rest of the day off."

"I know. I wanted to get the paperwork done . . you know see if we missed anything." Jack explained, Sam bit her lip, Jack never could accept it when they lost one until he'd made sure there was nothing else they could have done, and not even then sometimes.

"What are you calling me for then?" Sam asked tiredly, leaving the tree and starting the walk back towards her apartment.

"I don't know. I guess I wanted to hear your voice." It was then that Sam knew how hard this case had hit him personally. Every agent had cases that affected them more than others, but why had this one hurt Jack so bad?

"Do you want to come over?" Jack winced silently, he needed to go so badly, he needed just to feel Sam's presence nearby. Marie however expected him home already, how would he explain being another few hours, or even not coming home at all. Jack thought hard for a moment, listening to Sam's breathing on the phone.

"I'll see you soon." Jack replied suddenly making the decision. He put the receiver back down and pulled his jacket on, before picking up his keys and heading out of his office. Sam checked her watch, it would take him about twenty minutes to get to her apartment, just enough time for her to get back there if she hurried. All the time she was walking she was thinking about Jack, he'd paused way too long for it to be a yes, something was seriously bothering him.

Sam got back to her apartment a minute before Jack arrived. Hearing the now familiar knock on the door she let him in. As soon as he walked in the door he shed his coat, draping it over the back of the couch. He then stood there, undecided as what to do next. Sam solved the problem for him, by sitting down on the couch.

"You want to talk about it?" Sam asked, studying Jack's face, seeing the sorrow in his eyes.

"It's a . . a . . I . . My mother . . some cases er . ." Jack didn't know how to say it Sam realised, that was odd, Jack always knew how to say everything. "You know that some cases, hit you particularly hard because they relate to a part of your life." Sam nodded, not knowing where he was going with this but knowing she'd be there for him at the end. "This case hit me the same way." Jack then turned away, unable to meet her gaze any longer. He'd never talked to anybody about this, he didn't think he ever could. Sam thought hard, they'd just had a suicide case of a mother, who had a teenage boy. Sam knew that Jack's mother was dead, but not much else because he never talked about her. Sam closed her eyes realising and understanding in an instant. Wordlessly she leaned against Jack and they shared an embrace. Nobody knows how long they would have stayed like that if they hadn't been interrupted, by the shrill ring of Jack's cell phone.

"Malone." Jack answered it wearily. "Yeah . . yeah I understand." Jack turned to Sam. "That was Van Doren. Tomorrows one day vacation is off." Sam nodded, she'd been expecting that. "And she wants to see me in her office tomorrow. Could be nothing of course, except for the fact she said she'd tried my home number first." Sam's breath caught in her throat, she could see that Jack was going to continue, perhaps outline some strategies, but she didn't want to hear it right now, it had been a bad enough day already. Sam leaned in and started to kiss Jack, after a second he responded.

Later after Jack had left Sam realised it was the beginning of the end.


	4. Stop Living The Lie

**Stop Living The Lie**

It was late by the time Sam got home but it regularly was late by the time she got home. That wasn't why she was so down. It wasn't the fact that the most vile and revolting man, Graham Spaulding had just been set free. It wasn't the fact that Graham Spaulding was likely to offend again, killing and abusing children. It wasn't even the fact that they'd just finished an OPR investigation. It was the fact that it was over. Intellectually she knew it had been over ever since Van Doren had found out, how Jack had managed to conceal it from Marie she didn't know, she didn't want to know. However it was ever so easy to lie to yourself, to tell yourself that it wasn't over yet, that it wouldn't be over until one of you said the words 'It's over', but now Jack had said those immortal words, those words she had hoped would never come. For weeks she'd lied to herself, thinking that if she didn't admit it, if she ignored it, it wasn't really happening, the process of it being over. That now made the pain all that much harder to bear. Now in the sanctity of her own apartment, Samantha Spade broke down and cried. She'd been hiding the tears all day, holding herself together. Thinking back now she didn't know how she managed it, she felt like she'd broken into a million pieces, that at any moment the fragile glue that was keeping her together, that was her composure and self control, would break and she would show the side of her to people that she desperately tried to hide. The fact that she wasn't as tough as she made herself out to be. Sam didn't know how long she cried for, but it was until she could cry no more. When her tears were spent Sam quickly got ready for bed. The bed that now seemed so big and empty. Sam reached out and pulled the pillow from the other side of the bed over to her, she hugged it close. As slowly her body heated the pillow up a scent rose, Sam smelt it and tears once more came unbidden to her eyes..

"Oh Jack." Sam whispered, tears running down her cheeks.

Over at the Malone household Jack knocked on the door, he had a key but the time had long past since Marie had accepted his right to use it. After a second Jack heard the sound of running footsteps, Kate his youngest daughter threw open the door and jumped on him.

"Daddy." she yelled with joy.

"Hey." Jack greeted her, picking her up and walking into the house. It was at this moment that Jack realised how long it had been since he'd last been here, last seen his kids. It had been over a week which was far too long, work was just particularly hectic at the moment, _but when isn't it?_ Jack asked himself. _when isn't it?_ Still hugging his youngest daughter he entered the house. When he got to the kitchen Kate squirmed, the universal sign that she wanted to be put down. Instinctively Jack obliged, his eyes meeting Marie's. She waited until she heard Kate and Hanna's bedroom door slam and an argument between the sisters break out.

"Did you tell her it was over?" Marie asked, turning back to the stove as if she'd just asked a question like whether he'd had a good day at work or not, Jack could have cried at the heartlessness of it.

"Yes." Jack answered her, she turned to meet his eyes, Jack looked away he couldn't meet them.

"You're lying." Marie stated, shaking her head in disbelief. Jack turned and met her eyes, staring hard.

"I'm not." Marie shook her head again.

"Why Jack why? You can't lie worth a damn when I don't trust you. You know that."

"I'm not lying." Jack almost shouted in desperation, only keeping his voice quiet so that Hanna and Kate couldn't hear. Marie shook her head again, knowing he was.

"You can stay for dinner but then I want you gone. You have to make up your mind what you want Jack. Your job, her or us, because you sure as hell can't have all three." Miserably Jack went to the master bedroom and started packing. _'How could she think he was lying? God he wished he was.'_ That was it Jack realised, that was why. He was lying, he may have ended his relationship with Sam on a physical level, but he couldn't end it on an emotional level. He loved her, he loved her more than he had ever loved Marie. That realisation came as more of a shock, than realising that he was actually lying, even though in an odd kind of way he wasn't. He would be with her in an instant, to hell with what anybody thought. He'd do anything for her, he'd give up his job, he'd give up the world to be with her, but he couldn't give up his daughters. He just hoped that she understood that.

A/N I hope this is ok. This is a time that has had a lot of fanfiction written about it. I hope mine was worth reading. Sorry for the length of time since last post, I had another bout of writers block. Hopefully (cross fingers) this will be finished by christmas. Only a chapter left so no excuse really.


	5. Without You

**Without You**

_'They couldn't go on like this'_ Sam thought, _'it was killing them'_ They'd broken up only two weeks ago but it felt like a lifetime. Everything was falling apart including work, something she'd once sworn that no man would ever disrupt. Jack wasn't any man though, he was the man she loved with all her heart, the man who made her feel complete, her soulmate. They had to talk.

"Vivian, you and Martin check out the boyfriend, I think he's lying to us. Danny you run a full background check on all of the Dobsons, there's something dodgy going on there I know it. Sam you and I are going to go interview the parents again." Jack ordered, Sam looked up, this was the first time that he'd paired them together since he'd said it was over. Instead he'd been pairing her with Danny or Martin or even Vivian. The whole team had noticed, none of them had commented but Sam knew they all wondered why. Now they would wonder no longer, perhaps they would think that Jack had been checking up on them. Whatever the case it didn't matter, she now had her opportunity. The parents lived outside of the city, it would take them an hour to get there by car, an hour in which to talk things over. Perfect.

"Jack." Sam began, they'd been driving for about five minutes, she'd been trying to think about what to say and how to say it before she realised it didn't matter.

"Yeah?" Jack replied, both eyes on the road, clearly not really paying attention.

"We need to talk." Sam told him, that got his attention, for a moment he took both eyes off the road and stared at her before fixing one back on the road, just in time to avoid a collision.

"I know." Jack said calmly.

"We can't go on like this." Sam stated. "I thought it would be ok, that we could manage. It's just thinking about what we had . ."

"Marie chucked me out." Jack interrupted. "I'm living in a hotel. She didn't believe that I'd really broken up with you." Sam stared at him in disbelief. "I didn't know how to tell you. I guess I didn't know what would happen."

"What are you saying Jack?" Sam asked, "I have to know."

"Sam I . . I miss you and I love you. It's just . . I can't lose my daughters." Sam didn't reply, she knew how Jack felt about that, how he felt about his mother.

"There's no hope for us then?" Sam looked for confirmation, this would be a harder truth to bear than it just being over if he said no, but she had to ask.

"Marie could still divorce me, it would be out of my hands then." Jack told her, avoiding the issue like only he could.

"Is that likely?" Sam asked, knowing the answer before the words had even left her lips. Jack and Marie were very different but one of the few things they had in common was that neither believed in divorce. They both believed that children should be brought up in the best environment possible, they both believed that environment to be with both parents together. It probably came from both being brought up by catholic families, despite the fact that neither believed themselves.

"No." Jack answered finally after a long pause. "No it's not likely."

"It really is over then." Sam stated, those were the last words spoken on that long drive out of the city.

I believed it was over, I believed that there was no hope for Jack and I. Then I went into a small bookshop, had a drop go bad and met Barry Mashburn. Now I don't know what to believe anymore.

A/N: Finally after a long bout of writers block I managed to finish this. I hope it's ok, any comments and/or criticisms will be very much appreciated. Thanks for all the reviews already, they mean a lot to me.


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